Friday Bonus: Caption Contest

Caption Contest Courtoon

Welcome to the first Courtoons Caption Contest.  The Courtoon in question is above.  To enter, submit a caption (or quote for the characters) as a comment.  (When you enter your e-mail address it will not be posted on the site, but it will let me contact the winner.)  The contest will be open until Thursday, April 9, at 11:59 pm EST.

The winning entry will be posted as a Courtoon (with recognition to the winner).  The winner will also receive a signed original of the Courtoon.  David Mills retains sole discretion to decide the winner.  That decision is not reviewable on appeal nor subject to a petition for certiorari.

131 Responses to “Friday Bonus: Caption Contest”

  1. Ryan Kriger Says:

    Eventually Attorney Cheatum simply dropped all pretense when presenting his expert witness.

  2. Diana S. Says:

    Hairy Hand meets Palsgraff.

  3. Ajay Krishnan Says:

    I refuse to answer on the grounds that I may incriminate myself.

  4. Chantel Hull Says:

    A lesser known exception to the Hearsay Rule: Hand Puppets.

  5. me Says:

    Judge: Please raise your right hand.
    Judge: Please raise your right hand.
    Witness: I am your honor.
    Judge: Not you. him.

  6. Vic Says:

    Allow me to demonstrate the sexual assault by using this puppet…

  7. Jeremy Says:

    After the plea bargain to be charged as an accessory, Mr. Hand decides to sell out his partner.

  8. MattyHo Says:

    In a novel, last-ditch effort to convict Kermit the Frog for Ms. Palsgraf’s murder, Prosecutor Clemens attempts to make a party admission.

  9. W Says:

    The inherent danger of appearing in propria manus.

  10. IndyIndie Says:

    “All I hear is ‘Blah blah blah contempt blah blah.'”

  11. Danl Says:

    One result of budget cuts in the witness protection program.

  12. F Says:

    Objection, Your Honor!
    I always wanted to be a lawyer.

  13. Andrew Says:

    Little known fact: Judge Learned Hand earned his name on the witness stand.

  14. Tracey Says:

    Flashback 2001: A former employee gives testimony in the bankruptcy case.

  15. JT Says:

    “I saw the car turning left in the red light when…”

  16. Sam Says:

    Faretta v. California: Proudly bringing awkward witness examinations since 1975.

  17. Liz Says:

    “Objection, Your Honor. Mr. Wiggles lacks personal knowledge and cannot competently testify to the state of mind of his handler at the moment in question. “

  18. Crystal Says:

    Part one, children: examination of expert witnesses…

  19. Nick Says:

    In a world without (Dau)Bert, Ernie is allowed to testify.

  20. Matt Says:

    Later the Texas Court of Criminal Appeals ruled that Mr. Puppet was a perfectly adequate criminal defense attorney but it did censure him for having an inappropriate relationship with the defendant.

  21. Mike Says:

    The jury, captivated by the defendant’s tricky ventriloquism, acquits of all charges… Mayor McCheese however, faces sentencing May 1st.

  22. Fawzy Simon Says:

    Quote for puppet: “…so then Robert, the ventriloquist here, heard the plaintiff say that he wasn’t really hurt and was just going to milk the defendant for millions.”

    Caption: Hearsay within hearsay.

  23. Jamie Says:

    I was talking to the other hand and missed the whole thing.

  24. Cassidizzle Says:

    “You people act like you’ve never seen a platypus on the stand . . . “

  25. John Says:

    Puppet Ipsa Loquitur.

  26. Tiffany Says:

    “I’d really like to answer the question your honor but this guy’s got me by the balls.”

  27. Dave Says:

    I guess I’ll do the talking since I’m the only one in here with a mouth.

  28. JoAnne Says:

    “Objection your honor. Counsel is clearly leading the witness.”

  29. Michael J. Wasser Says:

    The court ruled that a ventriloquist is not a valid defense in a Res Ipsa Loquitur case.

  30. O Says:

    Counsel: “My client turned pink in the wash. I want to know the truth, did you order a code red?”

    Sock: “You’re darn right I did!”

  31. Rick Narad Says:

    Counsel’s objection was sustained. There is no puppet exception to the hearsay rule.

  32. Andrew Says:

    The newest hearsay exception.

  33. Andrew B Says:

    When the questioning turns to his prior use of racial epithets, Detective Mark Fuhrman attempts an unconventional method of changing the subject…

  34. Mike Says:

    “Show us on the doll where he touched you.”

  35. Tony LaCroix Says:

    It just. . . happened. I can’t really explain why I did it. I just. . . one minute I was eating a bagel, and the next thing I knew. . . she was dead. I looked around to see what happened. I don’t remember picking up the knife. But nobody else was there. Just me and Phil here.

  36. Steve Says:

    My name is Judge!

  37. Mark Says:

    Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, as you can clearly see, the puppet doesn’t fit….oh crap

  38. randy Says:

    Juror Dave wasn’t fooled by Mr. McQuack. It was the beady eyes that gave away that crafty duck and his web of lies.

  39. David Raeker-Jordan Says:

    Quote: ” … and when I woke up after the surgery, there was this hand up my back.”

    Caption: Res Ipsa Ventriloquitur

  40. Avery Says:

    Jack Handey, offering some Deep Thoughts on Daubert.

  41. Ace Says:

    “I did not have sexual relations with that puppet, Lamb Chop.”

  42. ChuckC Says:

    Proving the old adage, the grand jury promptly indicted the hand sandwich.

  43. JMT Says:

    William Prosser, father of torts, takes the stand to test an early version of his res ipsa loquitur doctrine.

  44. Michael Says:

    In today’s economy – a young lawyer figures out how to deal with a dearth of new clients.

  45. John H. Says:

    “Puppet Ipsa Loquitur”

  46. David Says:

    New lawyer invents the perfect witness for cross-examination.

  47. Jess Says:

    Counsel instantly regretted telling his client to “sock-it” to the jury.

  48. M Says:

    Intentional Infliction of Emotional Distress: “The surgeon thought it would be funny to try a different prosthetic this time.”

  49. DAVID Says:

    “No, your honor, I am not giving you the finger.”

  50. DAVID Says:

    “I will now demonstrate how the defendant ate my microphone.”

  51. MD Says:

    Today’s expert witness brings a bit of levity to the proceedings.

  52. Ramity Says:

    Seymour, who had been enjoying representing himself pro se, decided that he preferred to be the one asking questions.

    Oh, and a vote for “Eventually Attorney Cheatum simply dropped all pretense when presenting his expert witness.”–it had our office in stitches.

  53. Mike G Says:

    Finally, a plaintiff’s expert who shows what he truly is, a quack who is nothing more than a mouthpiece for the attorney.

  54. Not Andrew @ 1:50 Says:

    Sorry, all. Andrew @ 1:50 nailed it.

  55. Klerk Says:

    “One need not be a juridical soothsayer to predict that this evidentiary ventriloquism will have its cacophonous echoes.”

    [Flores v. Estelle, 513 F.2d 764, 770 (5th Cir. 1975) (Goldberg, J. dissenting).]

  56. Portia Says:

    The potential for perjury no longer requires narrative testimony.

  57. Dan Says:

    “Mr. Fandango, your witness is not being responsive.”

  58. Ed Says:

    Quote: “Enough! It’s true. I agreed to help him rob the bank.”
    Caption: Bob’s conspiracy trial takes a nasty turn.

  59. Lily Says:

    When you need a little help remembering the Learned Hand formula.

  60. Lily's edit Says:

    When you need a little help explaining the Learned Hand formula.

  61. Ash Scache Says:

    Is that a Learned Hand in there, or are you just putting me on?

  62. Ash Scache Says:

    Is that a Learned Hand in there, or are you just happy to see me?

  63. AC Says:

    “I told you we should have stuck with the twinkie defense.”

  64. sl Says:

    Cross-examination gave Juror #2 has something worth twittering.

  65. Robert Says:

    At that moment Judge Smith understood the common law exception to “the hand of one is the hand of all.”

  66. Noah Says:

    “If I may speak for myself, your Honor…”

  67. John Day Says:

    “I am NOT under oath.”

  68. John Day Says:

    “I cannot tell a lie. It was the anesthieslogist’s fault.”

  69. John Day Says:

    Demonstrative evidence is essential when proving loss of consortium for the single male.

  70. John Day Says:

    “Yes, I made $4M last year testifying for Ford, but that does not influence my professional judgment.”

  71. John Day Says:

    “Well, for the last ten years I have worked as an arbitrator in consumer / cellphone company disputes.”

  72. John Day Says:

    Juror: “He makes more sense than the last three witnesses.”

  73. Dave Says:

    Caveat Pupator

  74. PS Says:

    “If the puppet fits you must acquit”

  75. Bluehorse Says:

    The jury will disregard that last remark.

  76. Brandon Says:

    The sole witness to the murder at the puppet show freezes on the witness stand upon request to point the killer out from the audience.

  77. Mike Says:

    Talk to the hand.

  78. Tiffany Says:

    Mmmmhph mmmph mmmm mmmmmgghl

  79. John Day Says:


  80. AC Says:

    So, for the record, your contention is that you were merely trying to retrieve your watch, ring, and a gerbil from the victim, when you found this, thereby saving the victim’s life in the process?

  81. Eli R. Says:

    Caption: So is it your testimony, Mr. Puppet, that you were not acting alone at the time of the murder, in fact, you were only following Mr. Hand’s orders?

  82. Paul Says:

    In an attempt to restore his good name, Beaker desperately attempts to channel Jim Henson as a character witness.

  83. Harvey Feldman Says:

    No, that’s a lie! I never worked for Edgar Bergen!

  84. lawstudent Says:


  85. Jordan Says:

    Judge: “Where on the man did the accused touch you?”

  86. Kevin Pettrey Says:

    The slackening of the requirement of “real party in interest”

  87. Anonymous Says:

    Steve @ 616,

    Love it. My favorite.

  88. Anonymous Says:

    …and this is where the defendant touched me.

  89. Barren Soul 3L Says:

    The plaintiff requests the judge instruct the jury on the Reasonable Puppet Standard.

  90. Anonymous Says:

    Allowing your client to testify via sock puppet: still not ineffective assistance of counsel.

  91. amused Says:

    He’s takin’ the Fifth, but I’m talking:interesting dilemma.

  92. Tom Says:

    For a moment, Judge Jones wondered whether his lenient treatment of pro se litigants, though well intentioned, was getting out of hand.

  93. Dork Says:

    Quote: “He made me do it!”

    Caption: “Respondeat Supuppeteer”

  94. Vic Says:

    Allow me to show what I mean by the term “fisting”, by use of this puppet.

  95. Armand Says:

    “I think it was offensive contact, your honor, but you should really ask the reasonable person here”

  96. Jim Says:

    Typical day in the 9th circuit

  97. Ian Says:

    Antonio being a mobster took the stand on charges that fall under the Puppeteer Influenced and Corrupt Organizations Act.

  98. C Says:

    I vote for Andrew. Learned Hand. Too funny.

  99. Redking Says:

    Personally, I vote for David Raeker-Jordan (April 3, 2009 at 6:50 pm). Alternatively:

    An eyewitness in Whittington v. Cheney finally comes forward to testify.

  100. Tony Baldwin Says:

    Judge to puppet – “…. now in your own words, if you can speak for yourself… how did this happen? “

  101. Neil Says:

    I was not on the steering wheel at the time of the accident, your honor.

  102. S.A. Says:

    When the plaintiff finally took the stand, Bob the defense attorney suddenly realized that this was one medical malpractice case he should have settled.

  103. KB Says:

    Puppet Speech Bubble: “If the light was green, would that have made a difference?”
    Caption: “The Sock-ratic Method”

  104. Bruce Says:

    “Me name is Cookie Monster. M-O-N-S-T-E-R.”

  105. Betty Milia Says:

    “…and the last straw was when he brought home a pair of new mittens and forced me into a Manoge à trois!”

  106. trizzle Says:

    Wow. this courtoon is really great.

    For me to poop on.

  107. Pickmine Says:

    Judge says, “I don’t know that Rule 804 even applies . . . the declarant looks pretty available to me!”

  108. CB Says:

    Caption: Bush Puppet Murder Trial

    Lawyer: “If the puppet fits, you must not acquit.”

  109. John Says:

    Oscar thought he had the perfect alibi witness.

  110. Parker Says:

    Caption: Cash-strapped pro se plaintiff successfully qualifies first expert forensic sockologist.
    Sock: In my opinion, those ugly-ass shoes caused permanent foot injury and emotional distress.
    Judge: Hold on, you were black during voir dire!
    Sock: I’m reversible.

  111. Shelly Says:

    caption: APDA : American Puppets with Disabilities Act

  112. Ryan Says:

    Little Known 9th Circuit Local Rule: In order to make the Justice System seem more friendly, all jury instructions will be delivered via sock puppet.

  113. Ryan Says:

    Why we need the Rule against Puppetuities

  114. Tim Says:

    “No Person shall be convicted of Treason unless on the Testimony of two Witnesses to the same overt Act, or on Confession in open Court.”
    Article III, Section 3

  115. Tim Says:

    Technically, Judge, your pretrial order prohibits my expert from “parroting” uncorroborated allegations.

  116. Landya Says:

    “He is not insane. Don’t believe a word of it. He and I planned the murder.”

  117. Steve Stanger Says:

    “Elmo hit me first!”

  118. Jarrod Says:

    Puppet: The guy to my left was with me from 11:15 until midnight.

    Man’s Thought Bubble: Thank God I have an alibi.

  119. Harvey Feldman Says:

    Puppet: “Damn it, Judge! I’ve told you and everyone else a dozen times, Fran and Ollie ran off together. I don’t know where they are, but I had nothing to do with their disappearance. Bug off!”

    Caption: Akkused Killer Kukla Kommits Kontempt.

  120. Michael J. Wasser Says:

    Court: We do not need to hear from your Learned Foot!

  121. Leslie Says:

    Judge (thinking): “Crap. What did they say in Judge’s school? Swear the puppet or the person or both?”

    Caption: “What happens when D+ law students become Judges”

  122. Valerie Says:

    “Yes, I suppose I am aware that someone else uses the name Learned Hand”

  123. Klerk Says:

    I just realized that I didnt edit my previous entry (Apr. 3 at (9:05) the way I had intended to. I meant it to read:

    One need not be a juridical soothsayer to predict that this evidentiary ventriloquism will have its [qu]acophonous echoes.”

    [Flores v. Estelle, 513 F.2d 764, 770 (5th Cir. 1975) (Goldberg, J. dissenting).]

  124. Phil Says:

    Little known Miranda right: You have the right to testify via sock puppet.

  125. Vic Says:

    If it’s not me, then Ryan at April 7, 2009 at 5:28 pm was pretty darn funny!

  126. Phil Says:

    The very first one is the cleverest.

  127. Strayder Says:

    “When I saw her on that other hand… well… I just lost it!”

  128. Strayder Says:

    “I heard the shot and someone yell “DUCK!”… but I’m not really sure what happened after that…”

  129. David Mills Says:

    I’ll post the winning response by Saturday, April 11, 2009.

  130. Alex Says:

    The long neck of the law.

  131. Alex Says:

    Lex Luthor had grown accustomed to Superman, but Mr Incredible still freaked him out.

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